Guess Who (Akatsuki Style)

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Guess Who and Naruto belong to their respective owners.

The Akatsuki were playing “Guess Who” in their lair.

“Lessee… does your person have… blond hair?” Pein asked Hidan.

“No,” he answered from his position on the floor, impaled on a stick.

He turned his head on his neck to face the person next to him, who happened to be Zetsu. “Does your person have… piercings?”

“Yes. My turn.” Zetsu looked at Konan. “Does your person have… a mask?”

“Yep, but so do a lot of them…” Everybody nodded. They had played this game before. It was their favorite.

“Does your person have… one eye?” she asked Itachi, across the circle from her.

“Indeed…”

Itachi frowned, bringing the card closer to his face. He was having a lot of trouble seeing these days, but his new glasses were ugly.

“Tobi, does your person have… skin?”

“Nope!” sparkled the hyper snail-boy. “Deidara-sempai, can your person be killed?”

“Yes he can, yeah. But you’d have to get close enough first, yeah!”

Everybody laughed, except for Itachi, who thought Deidara was annoying. He elbowed Kisame, who immediately stopped laughing.

He continued, “Sasori-danna… is your person a girl?”

Everything was silent. They all knew what would happen next…

“Yes, dammit!” yelled Sasori.

He threw his card down and stomped out of the room, and went into a corner to pout. Sasori hated losing.

Kakuzu reached across the room and picked up the abandoned card, which, predictably, was Konan.

The drawing was very flowery.

He took one look at it, and flung it down, screaming, “It burns, it burns!”

The only female Akatsuki member grabbed his head and flung it out of the room, still squealing like a little girl.

“Two down,” she grinned maliciously.

The guys shivered.

Then it was Kisame’s turn. “Finally,” he sighed. “Hmm… Pein, does your person use genjustsu?”

“Yes,” answered Deidara.

“Hey! No peeking!” Pein swatted Deidara on the arm, and he ran away crying.

“What’s with him?” Tobi asked Zetsu.

Zetsu just shrugged. Or at least that’s what I think he was doing…

Meanwhile, Sasori and Deidara, having both quit, were having yet another argument about art.

Everybody just ignored them.

Kakuzu’s kitchen timer went off, and he leapt up to save his soufflé, grabbing his head as he ran.

Itachi developed a twitch under his eye.

Zetsu got hungry and went to find Kakuzu, trailing Tobi behind him, who was still chattering, “Tobi is a good boy!” over and over again.

The rest of the group looked at each other, shrugged, and left.

“Hey! What about me?” yelled Hidan, still praying. He sighed, and went back to work. His belly grumbled.

Itachi went off to see his optometrist, and Kisame followed him.

Pein sighed and got up.

Konan was asleep. She didn’t wake up until later.


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